There's Some Stuff On TV I'd Like You To Look At

I know that some of you have lives. Jobs, families, drug habits -- they take up a lot of your precious time. Fortunately, I am unburdened by such prosaic matters, and can spend hour upon hour watching television. I have to admit, much of that television is bad. There was an unfortunate Dancing With the Stars incident a few weeks ago that I am too scarred to recount for you now. However, I have dug up a few gems that you might want to throw onto your Tivo. They are, in no particular order:

The Riches (Mondays on fX)
This is a show about a family of gypsy con artists who steal the identity of a wealthy family (named the Riches) in order to live in a big house and send their kids to private school and join a country club and invest in alpacas and all that jazz. On one level, this is a smart, incisive look at class in America. Our protagonists appreciate the many benefits of being Rich, but remain proud of their roots. They resent having to pretend to be something they're not. They are perpetually fearful of being found out. It's surprising how universal these themes are. Like The Sopranos, The Riches uses a very unusual family to tell very familiar stories.

And if that doesn't sell you, on top of all the heavy stuff floats a pretty amusing caper comedy. Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver are perfectly cast as the kind of people who can sell even the most outrageous story. That's right. I called Eddie capable. Just the kind of guy you want to bring home to your parents.

How I Met Your Mother (Mondays on CBS)
It's about a group of friends living in New York during their late twenties. They have a local watering hole, live in preposterously large apartments, several of them are dating one other, and there's a snarky fellow who can always be counted on for a good one liner. It sounds like a retread, but this show falls into that small group of current sitcoms that is consistently funny and original. The humor is kookier and sharper than what you saw on Friends, but the show shares with its forerunner the same warmth and likability. Oh, and Doogie Howser is hilarious.

Friday Night Lights (uh, maybe never again on NBC)
Technically, the first and possibly only season of this show ended a few weeks ago. Despite the fact that everyone who watched FNL loves it, not very many people watched. But it is gooooood. It is not about football. Sure, there is football in it. Get over it. This show is actually about family, and not of the 7th Heaven variety. It's about good families making hard decisions, and bad families making bad decisions, and the families people make when their own families fail them. It's about high school, and all the potential that exists for people right on the brink of adulthood. But it's also about limitations, and how sometimes being smart or talented or hard-working isn't enough to lift people out of tough circumstances. It's about love struggling under the burden of reality. It's honest and heartbreaking and invigoration and challenging. Sometimes it's so real it takes my breath away. NBC will announce FNL's fate in a couple weeks. In the meantime, the entire first season is available free online. That way, you can watch it, love it, and be devastated when NBC doesn't renew it.

Jericho (Wednesdays on CBS)
When I first saw Jericho, I was astounded at the brownness of it all. It's about a small Kansas town dealing with the aftermath of a nuclear war. Kansas is brown. People in Kansas wear a lot of brown. They drive brown cars and live in brown houses. Nuclear winter -- also brown. But once my eyes adjusted to the monochrome color palette, there's a lot to like. There's Skeet Ulrich, looking vaguely like the Unabomber, but in a super hot way. There's Major Dad! More importantly, there's the whole interesting issue of what happens when people are suddenly cut off from the entire world except the part immediately surrounding them. According to Jericho, they engage in dramatic power struggles and apocalyptic sex. Which is pretty much what you would expect. At least, that's what I'm planning on doing when all the bees disappear.

Oh, and there's also this very cool character named Robert Hawkins who is either CIA or a terrorist, but a badass either way. So if the brownness of it all starts getting you down, just wait a few minutes and Hawkins will threaten to cut off some guy's balls and you'll be hooked again.

Tools Like Us

So making up for last night's transgressions with Jeff Probst (ew - not like that... well, actually, now that I think about it, I may harbor a bizarre attraction to Probst...wait, ew! Make it stop!), I sat down this morning to watch the new Office. Terrific, as usual.

I particularly loved the runner that had Jim and Dwight impersonating one another. On any other show, that gag would have ended with Dwight complaining about identity theft. Jim's the smart guy who's too good to work in the office, and Dwight's the tool Jim must tolerate. But on The Office no character is safe from mocking and ridicule. Although Dwight's portrayal of Jim (as office ladies man) wasn't exactly true to life, he nailed Jim's self-conscious smartass spit-takes to the documentary camera. It's nice to be reminded that everyone in the office is a little bit of a jerk, which is usually how it works in real life, too. We are none of us innocent.

I was also delighted to see the accounting staff highlighted, and under the tutelage of Kelly's customer service skills. It's always refreshing to spend some time with the super-talented actors back in the corner of the office.

So I've learned my lesson -- Office first, Survivor later. I promise. Really. Unless Survivor is really good. But only then.

Playing With Fools

Normally on Thursdays I watch The Office at 8:30, secure in the knowledge that Survivor will be available on Comcast On Demand within hours. And it's worth it. The Office is art, while Survivor is just reliably entertaining.

Tonight I couldn't help myself, though. This season of Survivor has taken an Office-style turn and become horribly addictive. Remember when Dwight, in an effort to spare himself from impending layoffs, tried to form an alliance with Jim? It's always funny to watch Jim mess around with Dwight's deluded self-seriousness. Well, the casting crew on Survivor scored a few Dwights and at least one Jim this season. Watching these fools stumble around the island discussing their "brilliant" plans to subvert the prevailing alliance is pure gold. It may not compare to the comedic genius of Michael pretending to commit suicide by jumping into a giant balloon castle in the parking lot, but it's pretty damn hilarious.

This chapter is drawing to a close, unfortunately, as all the Dwights are being swiftly voted off. It's one of Survivor's biggest downsides -- often the most interesting characters are booted well before the finale. My personal favorite this spring was Michelle, who was the adorable, brainy Pam to Earl's mastermind Jim. Now I must content myself with Michelle-lite, Stacy, who doesn't even rise to Karen-level coolness.

So you'll have to forgive me for missing tonight's Office. I know in the religion of television viewing, skipping the prevailing Best Show on TV is sacrilege. I promise not to let it happen again. Or to at least have the sense to lie about it to the rest of my alliance, like any self-respecting Survivor.

It's Karma, Carson

The real test of a professional interviewer is the interview of the nobody. Anyone can interview a somebody. Anyone can interview George Clooney, because Clooney will always come off as cool and interesting. Case in point: Oprah had Julia Roberts and Clooney interview one another last month and I was completely riveted even though Roberts spent the entire interview giggling and saying "So who are you dating? No really, who?"

More difficult is to interview, say, Eric Balfour. Balfour is on 24 (as Miles), but you probably don't know the actor's name. Unless you watch 24 religiously, you might recognize him as an actor but probably wouldn't be able to place him. Interviewing Eric Balfour is a trick, because your job as interviewer is to make me, who really could care less about Eric Balfour, care about Eric Balfour. How does one do this? Well, I'm no expert, but I think you might want to start by acting like you care about Eric Balfour. Because if I don't care, and you don't care, the only person who cares here is Eric Balfour. And who gives a shit what he thinks? It's not like he's George Clooney.

Now, I don't want to single anyone out here, but Carson Daly is a really terrible interviewer. Sure, he's on at 1:30 a.m. Sure, he's stuck interviewing people like Eric Balfour and the entire cast of Las Vegas (which, by the way, becomes a totally worthwhile show to watch right around 1:30 a.m.). But I have cable, people. There is an old episode of The X-Files on SciFi that I could be watching right now (and Scully is having a good hair episode -- no bangs!). So it's not too much to ask for Carson to at least feign an interest in the guy his underachieving staff booked for tonight's show.

Really, this shouldn't have been too hard. Balfour was telling this truly amusing story about these stonewashed Bel Biv Devoe overalls he owned back during his Kids Incoporated days. But Carson seemed vicariously ashamed of this story. He kept shushing Balfour and fretting about how the story might be embarassing. Apparently, having a sense of humor about one's early career is not a skill Carson is eager to learn.

The funny thing about Carson Daly is that he actually thinks Eric Balfour is beneath him. He can't bother to pay attention to Balfour's stories about martial arts and being on Kids' Incorporated because Daly's too busy thinking about how he's going to make a play for Conan's job in 2009.

Oh, Carson. The only reason you have a show in the wee hours is because we need something to distract you from trying to get on television at a time when anyone might watch. I know you're still bitter that Ryan Seacrest took over your schtick and then proceeded to conquer the world. All because he hosted a show you most certainly would have considered beneath you. And now look -- Ryan's hanging out with Gwen Stefani in prime time while you make small talk with Eric Balfour in the middle of the night. So I get your bitterness. But nothing is going to change unless you embrace the current situation. You're a nobody. You're more of a nobody than Eric Balfour. At least people actually watch his show. You, on the other hand, may be remembered primarily for being engaged to Tara Reid. This is, how shall I say... unfortunate.

But you could turn it all around by making your show the safe haven for Hollywood nobodies. Pull a Kathy Griffin, but without the red hair and the annoying cackle. Actually, work on your annoying cackle. It would play better than that cocky chuckle you're doing now. That's not working for you at all. The people don't like smug, Carson. Unless you're really, really rich and famous. And even then it might Tom Cruise on you. So accept the fact that you're basically washed up at the age of 34. Accept the fact that you're kind of a tool. Accept the fact that although you are a good golfer, nobody really cares that much.

Once you accept reality as it is, you might discover a sense of humor. Or a sense of empathy. Or a personality. Until then, I guess you'll just have to let yourself be outshined by Eric Balfour. Who, by the way, was also dumped by Jennifer Love Hewitt. Unlike with you, however, he didn't find out when her publicist leaked it to a radio station. Eric Balfour 1, Carson Daly 0.

ETA: I learned way more than I ever needed to know about both Carson Daly and Eric Balfour while writing this. I should have gone with my first instinct and written about Friday Night Lights.

Reality Check: Project Runway Update

The fourth season of Project Runway is actually happening. I must say I missed it this winter. New York fashion week was markedly less interesting without the suspense of finding out which PR contestants would show and who would win. I propose some kind of Battle of the Designing All Stars to make things more interesting. I would really like to see Michael Kors go all Orange-Tinted-Gorilla on those annoying little boys from Proenza Schouler. Their new Target commercial is getting on my nerves.

Fortunately, PR4 is on track to shoot in June, debuting in July with the finale occuring during the Spring 2008 shows next fall. You can find information about the casting for Season Four here.

I also found this New York Magazine article about Season Three winner Jeffrey Sebelia. It's interesting that none of the PR winners has made it big in the reality-show-winner sense of the word. Refreshing, actually. Unlike most reality shows, PR contestants compete against one another by performing an actual skill. Notably, the prize on PR isn't a million dollars or a new house or the opportunity to cheat on your spouse in a hot tub while a film crew looks on. Instead, winners receive the relatively modest sum of $100,000 to invest in their design business, a mentorship with a clothing purveyor (it used to be Banana Republic, now it's Macy's), and free publicity in Elle Magazine. In other words, winners get a little leg up in an extremely competitive business.

The article seems to indicate that PR winners aren't living up to their promise. Sebelia used his prize money to pay off business loans, Season One winner Jay McCarroll has sold some of his designs to Urban Outfitters, and Season Two winner Chloe Dao reinvested in her Houston business and opened a second boutique. Sure, maybe other reality show contestants have gone onto bigger and better things, like being convicted of tax fraud on their winnings. But I like the fact that none of the PR winners has cashed in on their television fame to marry NFL players and become shrill morning talk show hosts. They are passionate about fashion, which is why they did the show in the first place. And they've done what normal, non-fame-whorish people would do -- paid down loans, invested in their business, and developed relationships with retailers. It's like a parallel universe where being on a reality show doesn't automatically mean posing for Maxim. A parallel universe where a reality show bears an ironic resemblance to reality. Curious.