Babies Are Evil

They giggle. They smile for no apparent reason. They are filled with joy and wonder at the newness of the world. And they are harbingers of the apocolypse.

Babies. They look so innocent. That's how they suck you in. That's how they seduce you into betraying humanity. By being so fucking cute.

Ordinarily, TV shows use children as symbols of your run-of-the-mill innocence and hope. Or, in the case of many a sitcom, of shark jumpingness. Fortunately, the people over at Battlestar Galactica have the vision to recognize that there is more, ah, ambiguity in what babies represent. Sure, they're adorable. And they are the future... which is exactly the point. What do they have in store for us? What are they plotting under their soft skulls and downy hair?

Battlestar is filled with babies. Tiny bald ruiners of mankind. There's Hera, their leader -- half human, half machine, and all villain. Plus, you know she's pissed about her already receding hairline. Then there's Casey, the toddler the Cylons used to trick Starbuck into acting maternal (okay, actually that was very touching... but it's a fine line and I've got my eye on that kid). The Chief's and Callie's offspring hasn't yet caused upheaval, but I have no doubt that his dastardly ways will be revealed soon enough.

The point is, we should all thank goodness that Jack Bauer doesn't have to deal with baby terrorists. Even with the help of Chloe's baby tracking talents, Jack's stink eye is no match for some cooing little infant. Besides, he's gone all soft since he was released from the Chinese torture chamber. All it would take is one googly little shake of the rattle, and we're all as good as dead.

Luckily, Jack seems to be handling the usual array of Middle Eastern extremists with aplomb. I mean, if you overlook his waivering faith in his cause. I wonder if Jack's own experiences will give him pause the next time he has to rough someone up for information. If 24 is going to offer the audience something new and interesting this season, it's probably going to come in the form of a serious personal crisis for the show's hero.

24 has always thrived on keeping the audience guessing. But even unpredictability becomes predictable eventually. I haven't watched the show for a few seasons because the shine wore off after a couple go rounds. But if they can make the all-powerful Jack believably vulnerable, I might be hooked again. Send in the babies.


Golden Globes Update: Cheers to Grey's Anatomy, Alec Baldwin, and Hugh Laurie - all much deserved. And though I'm not a big Ugly Betty fan, America Ferrera deserves the win - she carries the show. Personally, I liked Mary-Louise Parker for Weeds, but she's an awards show standard and doesn't really need the encouragement. I'm far more upset that Jenna Fischer (The Office) was completely overlooked in the nominations. Are people ever going to get sick of the Desperate Housewives ladies?