Long Live the Hoff

For a short period of time, I lived with these three guys. They seemed normal enough, but over time, certain "tendencies" emerged. Taken seperately, these habits didn't amount to much. When aggregated, however, a frightening pattern came to light.

First, there was the frequent intonation of the word "dude".

Next, I discovered they were all hideous gossips. Monday Night Football started to feel uncomfortably like hot topics on "The View".

But most damning of all, these guys loved -- and I mean L-O-V-E-D -- "CSI: Miami".

I can deal with a lot from a roommate. Drug dependencies, filth, a firm belief that empty liquor bottles are collectibles worthy of display. But bad taste in television? Everyone has their limits.

Listen, I enjoy gratuitous T&A and unnecessary explosions as much as the next person. Really. But doesn't the presence of David Caruso spoil whatever pleasure you might derive from all that cleavage? The hair, the sunglasses, the stilted mannerisms, the general dearth of any acting ability whatsoever? I'd rather watch "Baywatch" reruns. At least the Hoff embraced his cheesiness. You can tell Caruso thinks he's gunning for an Emmy every time he whips off his sunglasses to quip, "Drive by [dramatic pause] Miami style." Like he's just coined some brilliant little witticism. What does that even mean?

To save you from the trouble of actually having to watch "CSI: Miami", here's a little taste of what you're missing. This way, you can laugh at everyone's least favorite red-headed stepchild without actually having to watch him work. Enjoy.