House: Let Them Eat Cake

House, Season 5
Air Date: 12.2.2008

Episode Summary:

The Patient of the Week is a fitness guru who turns out to have a rare genetic disease that can only be cured with a high-fat, high-carb diet. Oh, tragedy. But the guru had a secret gastric bypass to look like she does, and rejects the cure in favor of drugs which will only help her maintain the disease. Beauty before brains, as always.

Cuddy moves into House's office while the damage to her office from last week's hostage crisis is repaired. Of course, according to Wilson, she actually moves in because she lurves House. Which, true. House and Cuddy engage in an escalating prank war, presumable because they're mad at each other, but obviously because they're dying to screw one another. Cuddy is bizarrely put off by House groping her boob, but charmed when he locates her desk from med school for her office. Her renewed affection is thwarted however, when she spots House in his office with a trashy-looking blonde.

Meanwhile, Kutner starts a website in House's name, dispensing medical advice. Taub finds out and agrees not to tell House for a cut of the profits. Things get dicey when a (trashy-looking blonde) website patient comes to the hospital for another consultation from "Dr. House". Despite enlisting the help of Cameron and Chase, the patient develops numerous mysterious symptoms, including a crazy rendition of the "Lime In the Coconut" song (maybe she's just drunk?). Then she dies. And then she comes back ALIVE! Turns out House knew about the website and hired the blonde (who is apparently a prostitute) to prank Kutner and Taub. The website will continue, now with House, Cameron, and Chase taking most of the cash.

Oh, and Thirteen started her clinical trial with Foreman, but has trouble being around other Huntington's patients, who remind her of her mom in the final stages. Thirteen confesses to Foreman that she hated her mom as a kid because the Huntington's made her loud and unpleasant. Foreman and Thirteen hug, and hopefully that will be the extent of their physical relationship because, folks, I cannot deal with that.

Review:

Oh, show. I heart you. This episode was mostly hilarious, which is the only way I'll ever be able to handle the House/Cuddy relationship arc. Some gems:

• Cuddy (on the phone, about House): I just had to tell him that I have his balls and I'm not giving them back.
• House taking the sledgehammer to Cuddy's toilet
• House groping Cuddy's boob in reaction to her overtures. I remain baffled as to Cuddy's reaction. It was funny! Apparently Cuddy loses her sense of humor when she's in lurve. Boo.
• Taub/Kutner. I loved it all. The fact that Chase and Cameron were in on it, House's little hints that he knew, and of course the payoff when the blonde sat up in the morgue. I saw it coming and it still killed me.

I don't know if House really slept with the blonde. I do think it was silly that Cuddy tip-toed away sadly when she saw them. Why take House's balls if you're not going to use them, lady? She should show the trashy hooker who's boss (literally, I mean, Cuddy could fire House). (In theory).

As a rule I don't 'ship TV characters (or real life people, for that matter), but I have say I'm rooting for House and Cuddy. Hugh Laurie and Lisa Edelstein are a riot together, and you can tell there's genuine affection. As long as House never stops being an arrogant, mean, curmudgeon, I don't mind if he's getting some hot ass on the side, especially if the ass in question is also witty and sometimes steals his balls.

Next week is the Christmas episode. There's some confusion/hijinks regarding gifts to and/or from House. I'm down as long as the hijinks are funny. But I am definitely NOT down with Cuddy/Edelstein's new haircut. Not everyone needs bangs, ladies!